In mainstream Western society, love and relationships are often framed within a narrow, prescriptive model: monogamy, marriage, and nuclear family structures. While these relationship models work for many, they are not the only way to build loving, fulfilling connections. For those of us committed to anti-oppressive, decolonial healing, it’s essential to interrogate where our relationship norms come from and whether they truly serve us.
Love as a Colonial Construct
Colonization did not just seize land and extract resources; it also imposed rigid social structures, including heteronormative monogamy, gender roles, and hierarchical family units. Many Indigenous and non-Western cultures historically embraced fluid, communal, and non-monogamous relationships before colonial intervention. These relationship structures prioritized interdependence, shared responsibility, and relational flexibility—qualities that resist the individualism and ownership embedded in Western notions of romantic partnership.
In a capitalist framework, relationships often become transactional, bound by ideas of ownership and productivity: Who belongs to whom? How does this relationship serve my financial or social status? Am I "enough" for my partner, and are they "enough" for me? These questions stem from scarcity-based thinking, which capitalism reinforces by valuing exclusivity and possessiveness.
Polyamory as a Decolonial Practice
Polyamory—meaning "many loves"—is not just about having multiple partners; it’s about dismantling the notion that love is a limited resource. It challenges the idea that one person must fulfill all our emotional, romantic, and sexual needs. Instead, polyamory invites us to cultivate relationships rooted in abundance, autonomy, and mutual care.
For many BIPOC, queer, and marginalized individuals, polyamory can be a form of resistance against imposed structures that don’t align with our cultural histories or personal truths. Choosing to love expansively—whether through multiple romantic partnerships, chosen family, or non-traditional kinship networks—honors a long lineage of communal, non-possessive love that predates colonial rule.
Navigating Polyamory with Cultural Awareness
While polyamory can be liberating, it’s important to approach it with cultural humility and awareness of its complexities. Not everyone has the same access to non-traditional relationship models due to cultural stigmas, religious beliefs, or systemic oppression. Additionally, polyamory is not inherently decolonial—many mainstream polyamorous spaces remain dominated by white, middle-class perspectives that fail to acknowledge how race, class, and colonial histories shape our ability to practice non-monogamy safely and ethically.
At the Aguirre Center for Inclusive Psychotherapy, we encourage our clients to explore relationship structures that align with their values, histories, and well-being. Decolonizing love means asking: What does love look like when it is freed from ownership, scarcity, and rigid roles? How can we honor our ancestors while building relationships that nurture our authentic selves?
Moving Forward: Love Beyond Borders
Decolonizing love is not about prescribing one "right" way to do relationships; it’s about reclaiming our power to define love on our own terms. Whether that means polyamory, monogamy, or something in between, the key is intentionality, consent, and liberation. Love should be a space of healing, not confinement.
As we continue dismantling colonial and capitalist frameworks, we invite you to reflect on your relationships: Are they shaped by fear, control, or scarcity? Or do they embody care, expansiveness, and radical possibility? Healing is relational, and when we decolonize love, we open ourselves to deeper, more authentic ways of being in connection with ourselves and others.
At the Aguirre Center for Inclusive Psychotherapy, we support individuals in exploring relational dynamics that affirm their identities, histories, and healing journeys. If you’re curious about polyamory, decolonial love, or navigating relationships outside traditional frameworks, we’re here to help.
Aguirre Center for Inclusive Psychotherapy
Providing culturally-affirming, anti-oppressive and inclusive counseling and therapy in Atlanta, Georgia and beyond.